i once went on a trek through the jordan desert

and mountains. i was reluctant to use the hastily assembled toilet on our camp so i opted to just hang on to it for a bit. unfortunately i hadnt had my vacinations before leaving and contracted a tummy bug of some description. when climbing up into the mountains one day with everyone slightly spread out, my bowels unexpectantly let loose a torrent of fizzy gravy in my pants. i rushed and hid in some rocks and sorted out as best i could but my trousers were covered in shit and my spare trousers were not on my person. i attempted to sit in sand and dust for a bit to absorb as much shit as possible. unfortunately people became concerned as they knew id been suffering with my tum. i managed to brush off their concern and wrapped a jacket round me and continued the rest of the trek on my own. upon arriving at the designated camping spot (after hiking along way in shitty pants) i grabbed my bog roll and a bottle of water and elected to find a secluded place to sort everything out and change my rotten pants. i wandered for 10 minutes and proceeded to peel off my duds and wash my arse, just as a bedouin shepherd went past with his flock to be greeted by this glorious sight. it wasnt a nice day.